January 22, 2017

On the medical front.  Six of eight imunotherapy infusions are now done as are twenty three of thirty three radiotherapy sessions.  Side effects of immunotherapy, which are already manageable, actually seem to be declining somewhat.  Radiotherapy side effects are predicted to continue increasing for another week and then, for the last week plus two post therapy weeks, expected to plateau before beginning a slow decline.  There have been two pleasant surprises.  I had been using a numbing mouthwash before eating because of tongue soreness from the radiotherapy.  Although eating only soft, smooth foods I still needed to numb my tongue.  For whatever reason the numbing is no longer necessary.  Secondly, the throat pain that occurs with swallowing is still manageable with over the counter meds.  I have not needed to use opioids.

The experience of cancer I continue to find interesting.  It is rather like going on a pilgrimage in a foreign land.  You encounter the health personnel who are your hosts there.  You also encounter fellow pilgrims some of who will eventually return to their home countries, some of whom won't.  Having read people's account of their journey in cancer land and actually experiencing it is an interesting contrast.  For example, I always associated loss of energy with feeling worn out.  With the cumulative effects of radiotherapy there is no feeling of being physically worn out - just an absence of energy.  The distinction between appetite and hunger also becomes clearer.  You feel hunger but have no appetite to eat because all food is tasteless and eating is just a task to be accomplished. Drinking is likewise.

All in all the physical discomforts arising from treatment have been easier to deal with than the psychological.  Dealing with the psychological is best thought of as like being on a long march or climbing a mountain.  You place one foot in front of the other. If you focus on the end that's down the road you might just want to quit.

The above might sound rather more self pitying and negative than intended.  I consider myself  in many ways lucky and remain in relatively good spirits.  I'm merely trying to describe the subjective experience.